Girlfriend effect: cold music

I care about you and want to be near you at all times if possible without be clingy and stalkerish. But there is a thing standing in between of me and my goal and that's your little obession. What makes her so much better that me? Do you think i like hearing you talk on the phone with her laughing and giggling like you the Pilsbury doughboy. I don't know what to do i am over all a very calm person and does not see the need to become loud and confrontal, but by me doing that i have become a bit twisted cynical. My insides hurt when i know she's on the phone my body weeps and feels cold, my mind is on a never ending spin of ideas and accusations. I'm starting to loose grip of my sanity day by day, at times i will admit i've wanted her dead. Cold to the touch dead or she could be warm right before ridgimismortic kicks in, and to tell the truth i would be sad at all. I would go to the funeral if i needed to and give my sorries for their loss and in that same ady go to the park or Six Flags. Because in the back of my mind there's a celebration going on of my insanity and everyone is invited. I can almost see how she dies there is a hill near her house and as she is walking home from school or "jogging" shetrips over a rock in the middle of the road. And that rocks knocks her balance over and her ankle goes into a crack in the road causinf her to twist her body in a very ungodly way, possibly breaking it and causing her to fall shoulder first on to the ground. She shocked for a minute but then starts to get up, she has on a Mp3 player and doesn't hear a sound besides that of her downloaded tunes. There's a late FedEx Ground delivery truck coming down the road, and the driver is panicking he can't be late again so he picks up speed as he rounds the bank and gets closer to the hill. She's rubbing her shoulder nad ankle as she's crying to herself aout the pain. When she notices the truck she starts to panic and get up as fast as she can to get out of the way of the FedEx truck that she never saw the minivan on the other side of the road, it hit head on and propelled her into the side of the FedEx truck and then to the ground, with an sickening splat. I will simply sit in my bouncy chair eating fruit chips and wonder what i will be doing for the rest of the day with my boyfriend. And if not that have her hurt his feelings so much that he curses her to heaven and back and never wants to speak to her again. If i could be on three way without them knowing now that would just be perfect.